I confess! I broke the ‘rules.’ If you, like me, have read the blog of Jenn (http://jennfreeatlast.com) you already know how I spent Labor Day. Jenn was SUCH a trooper (no, not highway trooper) and we enjoyed the laughs at the Apple Store, lunch, and any other adventure we could find in between. Ragamuffin Breakfast – or lunch – or dinner – or dessert – is always fun. There are 4 of us involved….and we try to get together monthly…most popular is Ragamuffin Ice Cream. I mean – c’mon now – who doesn’t love ice cream and friends?! Unlike so many other areas of life right now, they don’t keep me waiting!
Techy Geek Stuff
When I got home I AGAIN hooked up the IMac hoping that maybe the scenic tour around I270 would knock loose whatever the internal hang up was. I mean…it’s reasonable to hope that a few bumps along the way will knock the sense into the hard drive programming, right?! So as I was trying to follow the steps they did at the store (the instructions email never came through) I thought I discovered the holy grail when it appeared the task Derek (the support dude) was trying to accomplish may have actually happened! I had hope! Until I called Tech Support…again.
Long story short…..I was wrong. Back to square one: take it somewhere and shell out some cash. Even if the repair is a couple hundred it’s still an acceptable price to pay for an IMac. I mean let’s just say the hard drive in it right now is 500 GB. And I was using 9….
most of which was programs. So before I take it to the ‘authorized repair shop’ (hear cha-ching!) I called a local guy who does computer repair. He doesn’t do Apple computers. Bummer. Might have to take it to the recommended place after all…but first I will call for a general price list. I hurried to get it to the store….and now I wait.
I first heard the phrase ‘Hurry Wait’ at Kanakuk. I worked at Kanakuk Kamp in Lampe, MO for 5 years and they were the BEST and most formative summers of my life. I worked in the kitchen – serving 400 staff and kampers 3 meals a day, without air conditioning and sanitizing dishes with an over 100 degree Hobart steam machine. Oh yeah baby! So since the kitchen was a key place for kamp operations we prepared things in advance and then waited when the schedule changed. We just called it K-flex! It has served me well!
The Knee
Last week we left off at the previously mentioned crutches with the leg. Since then I’ve had an MRI. They sent me home with the DVD of the pics….don’t expect me to not look at them if you do that….and I should get the results either late Thursday or Friday. Now I’m not in the medical field and have absolutely no idea of how to interpret an xray or MRI film. Now at the same time I like doing research and YouTube is a wonderful tool! There are videos on basic MRI stuff. To the untrained eye….and with the tools of YouTube….the white section around 9 o’clock next to the knee bones appear a little concerning to me.
I have been emotionally and mentally preparing to hear the ‘S’ word….no, not that one….the Surgery one. That way at least I will have worked through the disappointment and at best I’ll be pleasantly surprised if it’s not necessary. But for now…I wait. Hurry for the MRI. And wait.
I am trying to not rush ahead. My pastors prayed for my leg Saturday night and I was sharing with them my concerns about the interruption of my knee injury. There are, after all, things I have planned. I have an agenda. And while God cares about my agenda, my agenda is not His.
I was gently yet directly reproved when Pastor Mark simply said, “You know we’re to delight ourselves in the Lord and not focus on our agendas.” That simple statement helped adjust my attitude and focus. Since then my focus has been more on just delighting in Him.
It’s been tough….the ‘fixer’ in me wants to manipulate things…tell God how I need Him to make things happen and on what timeline I need it to happen. There is a very special retreat in mid-October…the Walking Sticks Retreat (http://twentyfirstcc.org/retreats). God has worked powerfully in my life through the retreats held the last 2 years and I really want to go again this year.
But that’s not God’s concern. I have to remind myself that God is God and if He wants to do something in my heart to bring more healing He really IS capable of doing it….with or without a retreat. It’s still a bit of a challenge to continually let go of it, but that’s why they call it a living sacrifice.
Eating
So I’m still meeting with a dietician and generally speaking I look forward to seeing her each week. Until this week…only because the wheels started to wobble and I knew she wouldn’t like what she saw on my food log.
I’m not sure what has brought it on but it seems my ‘care’ factor just went out the window for the weekend. My eating basically resembled pre-dietician days. I told her I needed a kick in the butt which she willingly gave. “Your food plan isn’t designed for only 4 days. Four is better than none but it’s designed for all 7.” And she point blank said she couldn’t make me care and the two main choices were either continue with her or don’t. As she said ‘you don’t need me to tell you how to not eat.’ I told her ‘that’s what landed me here.’
So we talked at great length about the obstacles I’ve had this past week. I think some of it is concern over my knee. The possibility of missing the retreat has taken a little wind out of my sails. But I am focusing on just delighting in the Lord, doing all my dietician asks of me, and leaving the rest up to God. I want my only agenda to be honoring Him. Anything He gives is just an added blessing.
So for now I wait for the ‘care factor’ to kick back in and I focus on doing what I’m supposed to do, even when I don’t feel like it.
Wait
Waiting is no fun. I’m not a patient person though I am growing in
that trait. Letting go is harder for me. This entire summer has not been typical for me. I’ve basically been down and out except for about 6 weeks of it…between having an infected root canal taken out and 3 weeks to heal there, being on crutches now for 6 weeks and counting with a possible surgery looming…..my grass cutting garden weeding vegetable harvesting get stuff done around the house and yard summer has been one of WAIT. Not even hurry – wait…just WAIT. And wait I will….because God says I renew my strength when I wait on Him. Hmmmm…….could it be I was doing too much in my own strength? Ouch. Maybe a lot of truth there. And in that case…..have I used this waiting period to get all I can out of it? And if not does God need to slow me down a bit more to let me do that? Could very well be.
More musings on Waiting from Jenn at http://jennfreeatlast.com and Leisa at http://life4inga.blogspot.com