Life on the edge
I just bought a house. I love it. I love being a homeowner. Yet I’m already concerned. About me. For me.
It’s simple…I don’t want to lose the urgency of the gospel just for the sake of comfort. I don’t want to get lost in the comforts of carpet and patios and garages and grass and forget those who are dieing, those in other countries who have not yet heard of Him. And as much as I enjoy the house & believe it was the hand of God leading the entire way, there is still an unsatisfied/’there’s gotta be something more’ sense to my heart already.
I don’t want the American dream. I don’t want homeownership if it means I have to put everything else aside. God has blessed – don’t get me wrong – but I don’t want a comfortable life. I don’t want an easy life. I want a life that counts. That means something. That is about more than me. And it’s hard to be patient. I still don’t know why He has blessed with this house. In some people’s eyes I’m crazy to have purchased it when I want to go to be a part of TETM (To Every Tribe Ministries). And they’re right – it’s one more thing tieing me down before I could leave. But if the Lord is leading at that point He will also take care of the issue of the house. The only reason I purchased it right now is I firmly believe the Lord led. I don’t know why. I don’t pretend to. But I had to obey. It blows me away. He has blessed at every corner but that’s a different post.
I just don’t want to lose the burden the Lord has given me for the sake of 4 walls and running water. I’m scared I will. I fear I will. I don’t want to. GOD….I DON’T WANT TO!!!! Lord, don’t let me lose sight of YOU, of YOUR gospel message. Don’t let me turn my back on you for the sake of a house. I have tears in my eyes at the burden – the desire…help me be patient, Lord, and enjoy what You’ve given…to be faithful with what You’ve given so You will find me faithful & entrust me with more. This house is an example of You entrusting me with more. May You be honored. Stir the fire in my heart to an inferno. Give me a vision larger than this house. BE THOU MY VISION, LORD.
That’s the cry of my heart, my burden, and I just need to share it. The house is nothing. The Lord and His gospel are EVERYTHING. THAT is what I want to be the focus of my life. It’s just hard to be patient at times & to see that His gospel is also about this house & this neighborhood & the little 3 year old girl next door (Layla) whose already invited me to her birthday party & drawn me a picture…and His gospel is about being faithful at work with the additional corporate responsibilities they’ve given me. And it’s hard when my roomie from the Honduras trip leaves Tuesday for Honduras to do what the Lord has put on her heart – work at an orphanage for 6 months. I don’t want to miss out on the ‘action’ but I have to realize that He has action for me right here in my neighborhood. And that has to be my focus right now. It’s where He’s planted me. And when the time is right, He’ll provide opportunities to ‘go’ outside of my sphere of influence to reach those who have not yet heard. But for now, He has me here. And I’m learning to be content.
It’s hard, but it’s good. Thank you for letting me share.