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  • Writer's pictureSue Bowles

The Winter Retreat of My Soul

Well, I know it’s been a while. Let me quickly update abouthe foot. I saw the doc 2 weeks ago & she said it was ‘impressive’ that I was walking already. She cautiously gave me a longer leash for a 3 week separation between appts. And that was fine until about Thursday or Friday. The support in the boot has reached the point where it’s not too supportive anymore so it’s actually causing more pain to walk. I filled the ‘crater’ with a few sheets of folded TP this morning & that helped for about 1/2 the day until I wore it out. So the next few days won’t see me doing much walking w/o the crutches outside of the house. But other than that I’ve returned to the point I was before the flare up. We’ll see what this weekend’s 40-45 degree weather does. I actually felt like trying to go UP the stairs into work w/o the crutches yesterday, which is a good sign, but I knew I couldn’t go down w/o them so I didn’t entertain the thought for long. But it’s a good sign to ‘feel’ like I might be able to attempt it! It’ll be fun to see her reaction when I see her Monday. In the meantime I’ll do nothing to aggravate it any more. I had to roll it on a golf ball again when I got home tonight ‘cuz it was in spasm due to the lack of support. Pray for us in that regard, please. Maybe by Christmas I can pack up peg & leg? I’ve quit setting ‘goals’ in that regard and focus, instead, on just doing what I need to do to heal & waiting on the Lord in the meantime.

Now on to the title of this post…

Each year around this time I find myself wanting to crawl into my own little coccoon and disappear for the winter. I call it the ‘winter retreat of my soul.’ You know – the withdrawal, the quieting of my mind & heart, and the ‘wheels spinning in the back of my mind’ look in my eyes at times. I don’t know what brings it on. Sometimes it feels like a vacuum trying to suck me in. But the retreat feeling started this past weekend. Maybe it’s my sanity break after many months of long hours at work and an ‘always on the go/something else to do’ pace? I don’t know. I just know the winter retreat of my soul has begun. Sometimes it feels like I”m disappearing from the radar for a while. Sometimes I want to just be left alone for a while with no one asking questions or needing anything. Sometimes I sit and try to write only to stare into space with only a blank page to show for it. And yet the Spirit knows the murmurings of my heart. It’s a place of no words, random thoughts, and silence. Quiet. Rest.

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