So last week we declared a bye week on the Weekly Blog Post Challenge, which has continued since the first weekend of November, so we’re really doing rather well! Travel, sickness, and life all decided to take priority so we gave in. But it’s a new week and though I am 2 days late….I have something to say!
So ‘change’ is the topic this week. Spare change. Life change. Job change. Change change. I used to hate change, and depending on how much I want my ragamuffiness to show I still do. Just ask Jenn how much I love a certain new online record keeping site we’re using. Oh wait…let me back up.
There has been a lot of change going on in my life the last month…and it’s all for good.
First and foremost, I have changed churches. I was behind God’s plan…He was wooing me to a new church last fall but since it’s always possible that God could be making a mistake (tongue in cheek folks) I thought I had to ask MULTIPLE times to be ‘sure’ God really knew what He was doing….or more accurately that I knew what God was doing. Because you know…it HAS to make sense, right? And it HAS to be convenient, right? And….and….and…….and I finally quit rationalizing and just obeyed. And God still loves me….even when I overthink things.
I was watching the services online for a couple years – it started while Scott was gone to prison. Then last April I visited for the first time – just convenient as I was o my way to pick up bro from a fishing trip and he was delayed….so I took advantage of the opportunity. And then this magnetic draw started and each time I visited God worked in my heart. And then it went from once or twice a month to every week and I told folks I was starting to think about changing churches. And then in October 2014 I started praying about it. Dangerous move! God made is pretty clear pretty quickly that He was wanting me to change churches for a while. But that wasn’t good enough for me. After all, why would I go to a church 10x the size and 3x the distance. After all, those are things I have intentionally steered clear of my entire life. Why would God change it now?
The answer is plain and simple….I don’t know. And it’s not for me to have to understand. My job is to listen and obey. Period. And I have. And what has been so totally cool since then is that He has just confirmed it time and time again. He was confirming it all the while I was dragging my feet and praying. And honestly it wasn’t until I had a conversation with one of the pastors that I knew it was time to pull the trigger. And I have been so peaceful and content since. Whatever it was that was drawing me and wooing me each week has dissipated….it is no longer needed. I am home. I am fellowshipping where He wants me and needs me. I am starting to get involved – in a limited degree – so I can focus on rebuilding my foundation in Him. I have communicated that clearly with the appropriate folks and every single one of them has been supportive saying it is a wise choice. Acceptance. Encouragement. Respect. Love. Great things to feel a month into a big change like this! And just today someone I have been getting to know approached me about being accountability partners…something that has been missing in my life for over a decade. Connection. Ahhhhhh……..
So as if that change isn’t enough there’s this little gig about being a part-time Booking Agent with Color Green Films and Ministries. In short I am helping them find venues across the country (and any English speaking country for that matter) to show the Brennan movie (www.brennanmanningmovie.com). Now you have to realize that I am a large event coordinator by nature. I have done some concert promotions and coordinated conferences and retreats for hundreds, including an international evangelism training conference in Myrtle Beach for hundreds of teens. So when the opportunity to help book venues came up I was loving it and feeling like I get to ‘get my groove on.’ But even more than that, it’s something I’m passionate about.
This blog is full of stories of how God used a crazy movie called Ragamuffin to break through my walls and masks.
He started the work there and supplemented it through a couple retreats. I am NOT the same person I was 16 months ago. And there is no human therapy that could bring about this degree of deep to-the-core change as what God has done. Plain and simple. I love nothing more than to share what God has done and support the folks behind the movie. So Brennan is in full swing and spare time is filled with researching and emailing potential hosts. Oh…and by the way…helping coordinate a local screening at the same time. And I am in my element and loving it!
Now that’s not to say there haven’t been a few bumps along the way. This thing has taken on a life of its own, much like Ragamuffin did, and the goal and vision is larger than before. That necessitated a central place for record keeping and communication with the Booking Agents across the country. A web-based database site was found and has proven to be very useful. It’s just that it challenged me and was letting me learn some new things…..and my ragamuffiness showed because I didn’t respond the best way. I was frustrated, feeling stupid, and then feeling frustrated for feeling stupid….and the ragamuffin cycle just kept going. My promoter, Jenn, has been so kind and supportive, and now I’m getting the hang of it. I like to think I am a chameleon and can run with the punches…..but this one exposed I’m still a ragamuffin at heart. I’m thankful I work with a bunch of folks who ‘get it’ and still love me when I wear my ragamuffiness on my sleeve. This is love.
And then there’s spare change. I am working on my debt snowball. Not sure what that is? Check out http://www.daveramsey.com or better yet….start your own by taking Financial Peace University (FPU). Simply put I am on an aggressive program to pay off my debt. Just today I finished paying off a credit card in full. OH WHAT A FEELING!!! And when I had paid all the bills and had a good amount left until payday next week….I was like….”Um..God….I don’t know how you do it…but thank you.”
I am now on to the next bill – finishing paying off the furnance financing – and that will be paid in full by June.
I have to be honest. Having some spare change is scary. I have caught myself already feeling like I have more money to spend and having to immediately remind myself of what I learned in FPU – “If you will live like no one else, LATER you can LIVE like no one else.” I’ll sacrifice now to LIVE like no one else later. And if how I feel today is a taste of what it feels like….it’s gonna be a great ride.
So change is good. Change is wild. Change brings out character flaws. And most of all, change causes total reliance on God. Sometimes it means I’m hanging on by a thread feeling like I’m getting tossed around in the wind, but when it’s God’s cape, so to speak, that I’m holding onto…..I can handle the ride.